A weekend apart

Zelda: As a test, I took a weekend trip to visit family out of state. I hoped the trip would help me decide whether I should take my upcoming international trip or stay home with Zach.

Two days before I left, Zach had a CT-guided biopsy of a lesion near his spine. That went well, and he didn’t have much pain or swelling. But the next day, he developed a weird, unrelated, new pain in his neck. He could hardly move. I got him a brace, but it didn’t help much. 

I considered cancelling my trip, but he insisted he’d be ok, so I stuck with the plan. We spend all our time together, and convinced myself a weekend apart might be healthy for both of us.

But the weekend, and my texts with Zach, were aggressively stressful for me. Here’s a sample:

Zelda: Mornin’ sunshine! How’s my lover boy this morning?

Zach: Not sure. I just woke up again. There's more fog inside than outside this morning.

Zelda: Oh, man – I hope the fog lifts soon. If not, let me know and I’ll drop everything to come home to you.

Zach: Get your shit done & stop worrying about me.

Later that day…

Zelda: Just got back from shopping. What’s up with you?

(2 hours later…)

Zach: Wish I knew! The last thing I remember is doing some shit in the kitchen. Thought I’d put my feet up for a while. When I woke up it was a sunny afternoon in la la land. Don’t remember a stranger morning, especially since it wasn’t one. I’m stuck in a time warp. Or the twilight zone.

Zelda: Did you have dinner?

Zach: I’m not sure…maybe a dibber jab.

Zach's also been talking backwards lately – coming up with words that don’t make sense to me. The other day, he asked me to bring him “a gradient.” It took a minute for me to realize he’d spilled on his shirt and wanted something to soak it up. Then he told me to put a “sock” over something I was warming up in the microwave (we have a special cover for that, but we never used to call it a sock). He said, “hilpharmonic” when he meant, “philharmonic”. And he told me he was having an “EKG moment.” I thought he meant chest pains or something. He said no, he just felt full. That was after taking one bite of a dinner he made. He didn’t take another bite.

When I got home from my trip, he was just getting out of the shower. His back was turned, and I hardly recognized him. He looked like a little old man, hunched over and crooked. There was a big bump on his spine in the middle of his back. His feet and ankles were puffy, and he moved slow. With every step, he made little grunting sounds and mumbled cuss words.

Later, he confessed that while I was gone, he spent one of the nights on the kitchen floor. He said he was doing squats and stretches. Next thing he knew, he was laying on the ground. He tried to get up a few times, but decided he was comfortable enough, so there he stayed. That’s what he meant when he texted about “la la land” and the twilight zone.

So, parts of life aren’t making much sense at the moment. But one thing is crystal clear: I’ll be cancelling my international trip. It’s way too stressful to be away right now.